Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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