Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
