Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
