Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
