im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
