So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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