I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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