After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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