if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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