My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
