I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
This is the prime rib incident all over again
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
