I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Let's get the cat blown out
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
