just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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