Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
