are you still at the devil's house?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
