Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize