i think my tv is drunk
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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