Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
