She announced her abortion via fbk
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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