$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
