you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
