apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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