i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
