im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
the day after is always just damage control
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
birth control should be required to get into college
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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