i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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