Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
