if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
