dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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