Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Randomize
