$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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