Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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