You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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