if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
