Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
