FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
