Yo dont text me then not text me
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
What a dumb baby whore.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
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