Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
