pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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