I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
you never un-have a 4some
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
