What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
