oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize