Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
