oh god the rape fog is back!
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
