i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
