News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
