Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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