i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You had me at "let me see your balls"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
