i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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