You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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