NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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