glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize