I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
