I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
