Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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