dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
