How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
