God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
