I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You smell like stripper and shame
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
