I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I will pee on everything he values.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
