I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
