This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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