At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize