My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
