New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
