is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
