6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
This house was built for laser tag.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
