I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
