I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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