Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
