Will you blow on my dice?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
