i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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