I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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