The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
